I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
