kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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