I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
