do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
