I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
