life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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