Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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