can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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