Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
