i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
