why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
