I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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