You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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