Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
