My room smells like vodka and shame
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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