If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
