can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
