the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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