he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
