maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have post one night stand depression
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
