in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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