We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
