omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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