You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
