I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
