Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
