Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
