I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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