Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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