Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
