Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
