Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
