Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
