I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
