yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
