when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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