I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
