And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
