you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
