Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
