Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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