He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
