Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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