After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
