so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This toilet bowl is my home.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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