how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
