today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
