About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
