My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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