Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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