doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
