I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
