Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
