You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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