GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My boob is missing a layer of skin
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have post one night stand depression
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
